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14th February 2018
Happy Valentine's Day 2018
[Max Payne Puns to Warn Others]

EVERYONE. The time has come. February 14th. Morally Acceptable Pun Day. Valentine's Day is a social construct but Morally Acceptable Pun Day is real and it is now and we need to be prepared. Plus I'm about 80% certain that the amount of cringing you do today adds up to 40% of your annual exercise rota.

We've done a few articles in the past to celebrate the occasion. It started with Max Payne quotes taken out of context, then Alan Wake puns, then Quantum Break puns... but we haven't actually done Max Payne puns just on their own, which is bizarre as the game is packed with them.

Similar to last year, I was up at 3am making these cards to ensure the best quality. Let's get started!

We're starting today with one of my favourite characters from the series.

Look at that guy! So happy with all the backstabbing and plotting. Job satisfaction is very important. And...
OH HEY! He's back and he bought a heart. Just ignore the dead guy on the card there, it's cool. OH! Did I say dead? I meant...erm... "not.... living"? I'm not very good at this wooing thing.

*Cough* Well. Moving on, we have Max!
There really had to be a Bullet Time reference here. Would it actually be Max Payne-themed Morally Acceptable Pun Day without a Bullet Time pun?
We have Jack Lupino! Puns. Puns. Puns. My Granddad's favourite plant was Lupines. That has absolutely no relevance to this article but now you know.

Now, to finish up the article, a retelling of the story of Max Payne.... or some version of it at least involving eagles.


The Control Series

The Crossfire Series

The Quantum Break Series

The Alan Wake Series

The Max Payne Series




Icons by the incredible, Evil-Owl-Loki.

Beyond the shadow you settle for, there is a miracle illuminated.