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14th February 2017
Happy Valentine's Day 2017 [Mmmm Puns]

In 2014, we did a post which combined actual Max Payne quotes with Valentine's Day cards. It was awful. We came back in 2016 and made Alan Wake puns for a special person in your life. That was worse. So we're coming back this year, for our third attempt, with Quantum Break to save your Valentine's Day this year.

To ensure quality and show that we do take this challenge seriously, please note that all of these puns were written at the best time, 3am last night.


Okay, so the elephant in the room: there's a joke here that I just don't want to make, and you don't want me to make. I am disappointed in myself for making it but I just felt that I had to address it so we can begin the acceptance and move on. Ready?

I KNOW. Anyway, now let's do this.

We've got the classics again:

Your Altered World Events...
and your altered gravity events...
Look at those guys! So happy! I also fought with the idea of doing a "did it hurt when you fell from heaven" line as it would show the same reaction that it usually does (the speaker hitting the floor) but I liked the caption above a little more.

There's also...
...which was originally the "falling for you" caption and alternatively "did it hurt when you fell from heaven" as it would show the same reaction the line usually has (the speaker being slammed through a door), but it turns out gravity doesn't work sideways. Stupid gravity.

Speaking of physics.
There's also a Valentine's Day pun in the style of Bruce Livingston's Time Knife. I like to think that Bruce would be proud.
And finally, my favourite terrible Quantum Break pun.
Aww yiss.


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